A Testament to Love
I don’t go to many weddings. The last wedding I attended was my own, when I married Susan four years ago. Before that, it was my son Peter’s wedding almost thirteen years ago. So, it was a bit of a stretch for me to fly 5,000 miles to attend the wedding of my two friends Bill and Alex on the East Coast. I’ve known Bill since he went to high school; my son Peter is his best man. I met Alex six months ago, and immediately saw what a beautiful person she is. I was thrilled that they wanted me to attend their wedding, and to give a toast at the rehearsal dinner.
Living on Maui, my usual formal wear is shorts, a t-shirt, and flip flops, so it was a challenge not to look like a homeless person. My loafers were twenty years old and I didn’t own a dress shirt. But I did have an old blazer and tie, though the tie was four inches wide. Peter’s wife Val helped me select a presentable wardrobe, with new shoes, a dress shirt, and a gorgeous Hermes tie owned by her father. I cleaned up well.
On Friday Peter, Val, and my grandkids Will and Elisabeth, drive out from Washington DC to Middleburg, Virginia, about 50 miles away. It is located in lush, green horse country, with views of the Blue Ridge Mountains beyond. We’re staying at the Salamander, a luxurious resort with a spa, three swimming pools, hiking trails, a zipline, horse stables, and restaurants.
The rehearsal dinner is held in the “Stallion Barn,” a 100-year-old stone building that is barely large enough to hold thirty people for dinner. After enjoying cocktails on the terrace with the setting sun, we find our places at the table. There is an air of excitement, as friends and family from the bride and groom make their first acquaintance. When it is time for the toasts. Alex’s father Dick gives a warm, heartfelt tribute to his daughter as he tells captivating stories of them crabbing together in Maryland. He reveals Alex’s multiple talents as a writer, musician, singer, journalist, and actress. I was touched when he spoke about their son Eric, who passed at an early age.
Other toasts followed, all of them entertaining, intelligent, and inspiring. They provided a fascinating insight into the two families, as well as Bill and Alex. I was sure the sun would be coming up before it was my turn. Fortunately I didn’t need to refer to my notes.
Here’s the gist of what I said:
I was delighted to hear that Bill had met Alex and that things were getting “serious.” I was even more delighted to hear they were engaged. I finally met Alex at Peter and Val’s Christmas Party. “Wow, what an amazing woman she is,” I thought. “How did Bill ever find her?”
Bill came up to me and said, “We’re going to Maui in a few days. Why don’t we meet for lunch when we’re there?” I was returning home to Maui the next day, so I replied, “Yes, that would be great!”
We met for lunch on New Year’s Day. It was no ordinary invitation. They asked me to meet them at Mama’s Fish House. Just imagine everything you’ve ever dreamed of about Hawaii – a restaurant open to the fresh ocean breezes, looking out over a sandy beach tucked into a cove, with graceful palm trees stretching up to the sky – and that’s Mama’s.
I didn’t know quite what to expect when I met up with them. As we went through course after course, our conversation, to my surprise, went deeper and deeper. Over appetizers such as shrimp wonton with macadamia nut dipping sauce, Bill and Alex talked about their new home in DC and I talked about life on Maui. Then, over fresh mahi-mahi with garlic, wine and capers we talked about relationships, their forthcoming marriage, and creating a new life together. And finally, over lili’koi chocolate mousse, we talked about yoga, spirituality, and life.
The lunch went on for over two and a half hours. We opened up to each other in a way we never dreamed possible. Afterwards we drove over to my home in Haiku, where we talked for several hours more.
It was during this extraordinary conversation that I saw what deep respect and caring Bill and Alex have for each other. Alex was so sensitive to Bill’s needs and seemed to understand him like no one else. I could feel Bill’s genuine love for Alex. He was open in a way I had never seen before. They both spoke with such wisdom. What a miracle, I thought, that these two have found each other at this point in their lives!
And now I see them sitting here, on the eve of their wedding, surrounded by those they love, about to make the commitment of a lifetime. What a celebration I would like to make a toast to many years of Alex and Bill growing more and more in love with each other! To Bill and Alex!
Relieved to have my official role in the wedding over, I can now relax, drink as much wine as I want, and have fun. And, what a time it was. The next morning my son Peter invites Bill and Alex for a short meditation, before all the frenetic activity of their wedding day. Peter leads the four of us in a beautiful blessing. What a gift to have these shared moments of listening to the birds and our breath.
All the next day I get complements on my toast. Why is everyone so impressed? Somehow I seem to have taken on the role of spiritual mentor for Bill and Alex, and the word has spread. On the one hand, it’s delightful to have my ego stroked and to be complemented. On the other, I wonder how I earned it (surely it couldn’t be all those years spent living in an ashram, practicing yoga and meditation, and studying with spiritual teachers? Could also be that I’m this exotic creature from Hawaii, and a bit of a novelty. For now I’m happy to bask in the reflected glory. Just don’t fly too high, or those wings will melt, and I’ll crash down to earth!
The wedding is held at 5:00pm in a beautiful church in Middleburg with the sun flooding through the tall windows. The service is inspiring; Julia, Alex’s mom, reads from the Tao Te Ching, which says so much about her and what she values. Other members of the family give short readings. I’m moved to tears when Ave Maria is sung by a beautiful soprano. What’s a good wedding without a few tears? Bill and Alex’s vows are from the heart, and an inspiration for everyone present to renew their own commitment to those that they love. My son Peter manages not to drop the rings. To the thrilling sound of bagpipes they walk up the aisle and out into the dazzling sunlight and their new life together.
Sleek black buses take the wedding guests on a 15-minute drive to Gap Run Farm, where the reception is held. Driving through beautiful countryside I tell Val. “Oh dear, this makes me miss my farm outside of Charlottesville!” I once owned a 130-acre farm about 90 miles southwest of here. I start to feel very nostalgic, until I remember that I live in Hawaii, I can’t complain too much.
We drive up the half-mile driveway to a stunning contemporary home, overlooking fields, ponds and mountains. To my surprise, we enter the house by passing through a clean, spotless stable for 18 horses. A dramatic way to announce that this is a horse farm!
The main house is all wood and glass with breathtaking views. We’re warmly greeted by Landon and Carol, the owners. Landon was once Deputy to the Chief of Staff in the Carter administration and is such a genteel Southern gentleman. I’m crazy about him and his wife Carol, and we exchange stories about horses and swimming in the Pacific ocean with sharks. I feel so at home with both of them
As the sun slowly drops in the sky, on a perfect June day, the guests are seated at a long, long, long table out on the patio, with a view to die for. Two musicians play for us framed by the trees; the cattle show up in a distant field; twelve servers swoop in and simultaneously place delicious plates of food in front of us.
Finally it is time for the best man’s speech, which is given by Peter. I know he has been a little nervous about it, but I also know that he will nail it, which he does. He captures the very essence of his friend Bill, telling about the time they went to the Esalen Institute at Big Sur, California eight years ago, and how it transformed their lives. He sensitively conveys Bill’s inner journey and how it led him to meeting Alex two years ago. With few words he captures the unique quality of their love.
Others get up to toast, some hilarious, some a little more serious, all of them speaking from their hearts, providing a fascinating glimpse into Bill and Alex’s relationship. As darkness descends, and the cake is cut, the celebration begins to wind down, I feel such a sense of gratitude to be with these special people, many of whom feel like old friends by now. I’d fly 5,000 miles any day for a rich and meaningful experience like this.
Thanks to Eva Blutinger for Featured Image